May 2013
(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
*proofreads my sexts*
thatfunnyblog:
“are you dating taylor swift?”
ED I LOVE YOU
Funny Stuff you like?
buttlid:
wanna make a secret handshake it involves us touching our mouths together for three hours
gallifrey-feels:
bad-ass-strigoi-hunter:
exceedwhatyouthoughtwasbest:
Things that need to be more affordable:
-plane tickets
-whole, natural foods
-gas
-workout clothing
-phone bills
-University (education) tuition
Things that need to be more expensive:
-processed foods that are causing the obesity rate to skyrocket
-cigarettes
-alcohol
You are a genius.
but alcohol is free
theyahooligan:
hetakiosk:
tawnyshine:
cowboybeboop:
viste:
cowboybeboop:
reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it
IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST
only a true tumblrite would understand. you just outed yourself as a yahooligan
YAHOOLIGAN
don’t lie you know you were waiting for someone to do this
YAHOOLIGAN...
doodlesbytara:
hey bud *wraps you up in a blanket* i know today might have been hard for you *ruffles your hair* but you made it through the day *boops your nose* you’re doing such a good job *kisses your forehead* and i am so proud of you
sachimo:
i hate when i’m too comfortable around someone because then my brain thinks its ok to act weird but even then i end up being too weird
scraggay:
ive learned more about topics such as sexism and racism and rape culture and ableism and self confidence on a website that was originally made for pretty pictures than i have in my 11 years in an environment that is supposed to prepare me for the real world and if that isnt fucked up i honestly dont know what is
Hardest thing to answer: what are you good at
cornmunism:
one time this kid in my class asked how to write a comma in spanish
wartortles:
if u are ever having trouble on a test, just write “jesus” for the answer bc jesus is always the answer. god bless
ohmybenedict:
songofthestarwhale:
shaitana:
221bitssmallerontheoutside:
theweepingangelwhofellforburgers:
sirenshadow:
jamandbees:
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:
ohshititsgreg:
darrynek:
arms hurt? saw them off
How do I saw off the second arm
Tumblr asks the real questions
Everyone on this website is a phycopath I swear
*psychopath. Do your research.
...
SLEEPY BOYS ARE THE WORST AND BY WORST I MEAN ABSOLUTE BEST BECAUSE ADORABLE MESSY HAIR AND RASPY VOICES AND POUTY LIPS I JUST CANT DEAL WITH THIS
pgay:
”if u like someone just tell them!!” yeah sure goodbye
mskneesocks:
you’re the only one who understands me google
fact: when a boy wears a beanie i want 2 make out with him approximately 700% more
a-little-insane:
when does hibernation start because I am 100% participating in that
when you hear everyone flipping the test page over but you’re still on question 2
ablogwithoutpants:
impalas-wings:
pizz4s:
if you and your best friend don’t have those small gay moments i can tell you that your friendship is gonna end soon
… small gay moments?
we’re about an inch away from hot lesbian sex in the hallways
if the whole school doesn’t think you and your best friend are fucking you’re doing it wrong
